something that came to my mind

to me, i feel like friends:

are those who you'll never be awkward to be around with;

are those who'll take the initiative to ask you out sometimes;

are those who you'd feel proud that you've known them;

are those who you'd feel secure with and share secrets with;

are those who you can always count on when you face problems;

are those who are willing to go through all the trouble just to hang out with you;

are those that will leave you smiling like a small kid after an outing ends;

are those who will confront you when something goes wrong;

are those who will never ever stabbed you at the back;

are those who you'd be able to create amazing unforgettable memories with;

are those who understands you thus not creating unnecessary arguments;

however, weird thing about me is, the more that friend doesn't treasure me, the more i treasure them. I always get sick of taking the initiative of organizing a small meetup session, and in the end, being the one that needs to keep follow up if they can make it. Some people may comment that those people don't even have the sincerity of meeting up, so why care? That's something i'm trying to change about me, I care about others more than I care about me. Even if I end up arguing, I'd be the one feeling guilty about what I've done to treat myself better. I've met a few friends where they would find other friends for outing, but when it comes to me, I'd be the one keep finding them to go out. I dont know why I'm acting this way when it's obvious enough, but maybe it's just me as I can't accept the fact that someone that used to be so close to you, suddenly become a normal hi-bye friend. I really am scared of  losing friends. I really am. 

Some of my really close friends would know me, I cry a lot for friendship. I constantly tell myself that I would not turn back and go through the same thing, but in the end, the same thing just keeps repeating and repeating. I admit I'm really sensitive, a small sentence can cause me to over think a lot of things. I really need to stop myself from being emotional about friendships. I've tried to maintain every friends I've came to known, I really did try my best.

But lucky me, I do have friends who are really sweet in all aspects. For instance, darling HW whom I've known since Form 1, we were separated as we get into diff class and get to know more friends. We normally only have an annual outing which is really sad. However, since Form 1, never did we have any arguments before, and although we seldom see each other, I dont have the feeling that our friendship is drifting apart, I get the feel that our friendship is going on stronger than ever (: 

Another example, my small gang during form 3, I hardly kept in contact with them since I opt to artstream in Form 4. BUT, this two lovelies CF and JW still came and find me, random outings and surprise visit to my house. There's even one time when CF was minutes away to reach Mid Valley, I called to ask if I can tumpang her car to Mid Valley for an outing, she straight came to my house in Subang to fetch me along. *touched*

And the best buddy, LKTP (: Known him since Form 2 and he's a really really good friend (: I often turn to him when I face any problems. Seriously, he's also one of the friend that I hope I can still be close with till I'm old (:

Another best brother, CJT. I'm not sure when we start to know each other, but definitely through PMO. and later on, we got closer till now (: I kinda know his stuff and he kinda knows my stuff, although he's in Aussie now, but I still find him to chat somehow (: Really really miss his cold jokes sometimes when I'm done, his stunned look and his banana slang chinese :P

Not forgetting my Form 4,5 bunch of classmate, my 18th surprise birthday celebration may seem like just another birthday celebration to them, but for me, i was thankful, really thankful. I wouldn't elaborate much here but the effort of the plotting the plan to surprise me is enough for me. 

i just hope the people who i care will not lose contact with me.

the feeling is like an unfinished jigsaw puzzle that has lose some important pieces.

the feeling of emptiness....

goodnight.